I couldn’t find you

by Will Monigold

On Christmas day
They gave us turkey
On paper plates.
We ate in a tent
With M16’s on our laps.
I wondered through the crowd
But I couldn’t find you
You had wondered off
To kiss someone else.
Jesus didn’t live with us
He didn’t go on patrol with us
In fact he never showed his face.
When we found each other
I think I had tears in my eyes
Because you told me not
To worry, but all I could think
Was that I couldn’t find you.
When I saw his body
He had no face
It’d been blown off
By a trap set at the edge
Of a stream.
I wanted to run
Get away from you
But you locked your arm
In mine. I couldn’t find you.
It was never
The same after that.
We were 19 and when we
Got back to the world we
Had plans to travel
Find things that everyone else
Had forgotten.
Perhaps I shouldn’t blame you.
New Year’s Eve
Doesn’t mean much
Compared to a mine
In a stream.
I couldn’t find you
But maybe I couldn’t
Find myself.