Rock of the Agony

by Catfish McDaris

In the Garden of Gethsemane
eating Spanish onions dipped
in salt, bound for Bethlehem

Under the Jerusalem olive trees
drinking dirty martinis made with
Russian vodka tasting Beluga caviar

No buckets of money or nose candy
cocaine while licking golden honey,
only memories of enchiladas, paella,

Baked Alaska, brimstone eight balls
in a Texas tornado near the Alamo,
and dancing the Cotton-Eyed Joe

I’m headed to the Pawn Shop of Love
baby, because I’d rather be lonesome
than have your damn foot on my neck.

Booze Death Poem

by Catfish McDaris

Sitting on an Umbrian mountain top
missing my lady, I decided I’d drink
myself to death, I’d been sober for ages

Fresh beverages with grapes and strawberries
absinthe with cayenne salt and chile infused
mezcal, brandy sidecars, tincture of amaro in
a Manhattan, burnt spice julep, artichoke Cynar
king of carrot flowers, coconut oil and Thai
basil laced with gin and vodka, rum and
scotch with ginger, lemon, and egg white

The sky purpled, the wind gathered thunder
the storm sagged toward the ground, funnel
clouds wobbled down vacuuming everything
in their path, relentless unstoppable

Suddenly I’m holding a list, it appears to come
from a doctor or a hospital, laughing I read it:

678 cases of diarrhea;
167, constipation;
26, hemorrhoids;
456, indigestion;
372, foreign bodies in the eyes;
375, severe headaches;
648, episodes of fainting and exhaustion;
71, cases of extreme flatulence;
178, cases of teeth that hurt like hell.

Czarnina Thieves

by Catfish McDaris

Tony called & said get your
tomahawk & gunny sack, I
asked, what’s up, czarnina

I knew it was duck blood
soup, Tony said goose was
better, he said I’ll be the
look out & you chop one
Of those big sonofabitch’s
heads off, try to save all the
blood, I asked him how in
the hell do I do that

Use your belt & make a
tourniquet, I thought we’re
going to jail for damn sure.

Ode To A Dead Chicken

by Catfish McDaris

I like it stewed
Love it fried
Fills me up
With Country Pride

On the grill
Gives me a thrill
Fricasseed with weed of dill

In tacos & enchiladas
Turns me into a gringo chingada

Neck broke, final cluck
Thrown in pot
Feathers all plucked

Breasts & thighs, dark meat
White meat, chewy feet
Already seasoned ready to eat

Nothing better than tender chicken
Fingers greasy, ready for licking

I howl for fowl, chicken delight
Full belly, say goodnight.

On attend tous (We're All Waiting)

by Catfish McDaris

Je fais face à la mort chaque jour
généralement avec le sourire

Courir avec des loups sortis d’un
rêve sanglant et qui peuvent
hurler plus fort encor que le vent

Je suis le Tibet
Je suis un chamane Kachina
Je suis l’amour et la peur et la faim

Une fraction de temps
les cris d’un bébé
les larmes d’un vieil homme

Plonge ton regard
dans mes yeux clairvoyants
et vois des horizons qui à jamais
à jamais attendent

I face death daily,
mostly with a smile

Running with bloody
dream wolves, that can
out howl the wind

I am Tibet
I am a Kachina shaman
I am love & fear & hunger

A blink of time
a baby's cry
an old man's tears

Gaze into my clairvoyant
eyes & see horizons forever
forever waiting.

Buck Owens Blues

by Catfish McDaris

Outside of Fresno
I noticed a woman
with a flat tire

I asked her if
she needed help
but she replied no

I went ahead
& changed it
anyway

Following her back
to her place we
passed near a grove
of ripe oranges

Later I asked her
about them & she
mumbled something

About Henry Miller
& Big Sur, but I
couldn't exactly
comprehend what
she said

We finally got around
to introducing ourselves
& I found out her
name was Bianca

She put on "Arms
Full of Empty" &
got into bed

I went to clean my
hands & fucked up
her fluffy white towels.

Devil In A Blue Dress

by Catfish McDaris

I was tight with the blacks
they knew color didn't
mean jack shit to me

We were all in the same
throes of anguish &
intimidation by a seriously
blinded form of management

Laughter was our solution
to the incredible stupidity
we were forced to endure
for green paper of existence

Sitting with Leroy Hubcaps
in the cafeteria, he bit into
a sausage, grease squirted

All over Big Molly Bankhead
her blue dress had 2 big
2 bit sized buttons, her
breasts swelled in indignation

The buttons took off like
unfriendly Scud missiles
Hubcaps got one in the eye

The other hit me in the back
of the throat between bites
of turkey sandwich

That devil's left titty escaped
like a punctured zeppelin, we
fell out in hysterics, rolling
away from her attacking kicks.

Bob Dylan Is Dead Or Rage Into The Night Mr. Jones

by Catfish McDaris

I grew up in N.M. in
a small town noted
for musicians &
snooker hustlers

My best amigo was
a Dylan fanatic, he
studied his words,
guitar, & harmonica

Forget The Beatles,
Jimi, or The Doors
it was Minnesota
Zimmie 24/7

Wanting to put moves
on his beautiful
concrete blonde sister
after long pursuit we
consummated our infatuation

Their father came calling
& said I'd infested his
baby with fleas & ruined her

Deciding it might be time
to seek my fortune elsewhere
I took my hot sauce recipe
for Louisiana champagne east

Outside of Tucumcari I picked
up this dude that hummed
Ballad of a Thin Man for 3
states, when I got to Highway 61

He stepped in front of
a west bound semi full
of pigs, there wasn't
much left of him

I'm not sure if he was
Jewish or if going that
way was kosher, but at
least I hope he's knocking
on heaven's door.

Thieves Never Drink Water

by Catfish McDaris

It was my last bottle
of wine and the fly was
sitting on the open rim

I wanted to kill it
I craved to squash its
fucking body out of my life

Not wanting to waste
one drop of vino I
pulled out my pistol

The fly made several lazy
circles around the room
then landed on the barrel

Juanita burst into the room
looked at the gun, me, the fly
she chugged all the wine
except one drop

The fly drank that, she
put on a Freddy Fender
record while I decided

If I could kill the fly and blow
off her chile bean nipple
with one shot.

They Really Work

by Catfish McDaris

The hunter was intent
staring down the barrel
of his rifle at the biggest
trophy buck he'd seen

Taking a deep breath
he took up the slack
on the trigger

Aiming for the heart
he squeezed gently
only to hear
click click click

The deer bounded
into the forest

Unloading his gun
the frustrated hunter
discovered he'd loaded
a roll of lifesavers.