Santa had it coming

by Jeffrey Miller

Saturday started out bad for Mike Grabowski and got worse—first, he lost his job and then, he took it out on Santa Claus.

First, it was the ass-chewing he got from his immediate supervisor Todd Harris, who accused him of drinking on the job and botching the new entrance on the Kaskaskia Hotel renovation. Mike told Todd to go and fuck himself and then, slipped into the Dew Drop Inn across the street for an early lunch.

“That’s the second time this month Mike, I’m really sorry about this,” Walt Smith, the owner said later that afternoon, when he learned what Grabowski had done. “You can pick up your last paycheck next week.”

Mike drove around for a few hours wondering how he was going to tell his wife that he lost his job two weeks before Christmas. Before he got around to that, he had a score to settle. He waited in the parking lot of the Elks Club with a fifth of Jack before he got up the nerve to walk in, but once inside, slipped into the bar for a few more shots of courage.

He forgot all about his wife and son waiting inside the ballroom with other parents and children when he caught Santa Claus coming out of the men’s room.

“Thanks a lot for ratting me out, Harris,” Mike said, pinning Harris against the wall. “You cost me my job.”

“You’re drunk Grabowski,” Harris said, adjusting the white beard around his chin and pillow inside his costume. “Go home and sleep it off.”

“Why did you have to tell Smith?”

“You should have thought about that before you came to work drunk.” He pushed Mike aside and headed toward the ballroom where the Elks’ annual Christmas party was to get underway as soon as he made his grand entrance.

Harris didn’t see it coming. As soon as he hoisted the red bag of toys on his back, Mike spun him around and landed one well-placed punch to the face. The bag dropped to the floor, toys scattered everywhere.

“You broke my fucking nose!” Harris staggered back and clutched his nose with one hand, blood already seeping through his clenched fingers.

A couple fathers had to pull the two men apart. The bartender handed Harris a towel who wiped the blood from his nose and screamed he was going to call the cops. A few people had their cell phones out videotaping everything; three children cried when they saw the bloodied Santa.

Mike was forcibly escorted to the lobby where his shocked wife and son waited for him. When he saw the shock and horror on his son’s tear-streaked face, he didn’t know what was going to be worse when he sobered up—telling his wife he lost his job or trying to explain to his son why he broke Santa’s nose.

Forbidden Love

by Jeffrey Miller

Kyung-sook came over on Christmas Day
to get back at her mother who forbade her
hanging out with Western men.

I didn’t know she had an agenda
until the following week when I saw her
coming out of my buddy’s apartment.

She got pregnant not long afterward—
Some other guy made her very happy;
Her mother wasn’t too thrilled, though.

Rocky Top – Seoul, January 1991

by Jeffrey Miller

Inside the drafty, smoky juicy bar
halfway up the notorious Hooker Hill
hostesses carry out their trade.

Miss Lee hustles drinks at five bucks a pop
while Hotel California plays for the
umpteenth time.

It’s not really whiskey, but barley tea
you don’t know that with your hands
between her thighs.

You match her drink for drink
until you’ve had enough and watch her
waltz off with another guy.

David Letterman in Korea

by Jeffrey Miller

My first night in Korea—
fourteen hours from Chicago
halfway around the world.
It’s tomorrow, but it still
feels like yesterday.

My luggage never made it.
It’s somewhere between
Seoul and Chicago.

Great.
I’ve been wearing
the same underwear
for two days.

Outside it’s cool and
foggy that adds a bit of
mystique to the adventure
I’ve embarked upon.

Loaded up in a van
and taken to my apartment—
just down the street
from Olympic Stadium.

It’s a western-style apartment
furnished and the refrigerator
stocked with Coca Cola, eggs,
and Digestive Crackers—these
Graham Cracker-looking cookies
coated with chocolate.
Digestive?
Gee, I hope so.

I turn on the TV—
David Letterman is aglow
courtesy of Armed Forces
Radio and Television.
Just in time for his nightly
Top Ten List.

Although jet-lagged
I’m too pumped up to sleep
and instead watch Dave,
drink some Coke
have some of those
Digestive Crackers
and wonder
if I am going to like it here.

Puddle Jumpers

by Jeffrey Miller

Beneath gray skies
when spring rains fall—
bulbous drops slide off
bright yellow rain slickers
cascade down pants
tucked into rubber boots.

We skip and run across
rain slicked streets and
playgrounds of our youth—
jumping across puddles
defying gravity in our
ascent and sudden,
but not splashed landing.

With youthful bravado
we turn and smile,
“Come on, you can do it.”