"Missouree" or "Missourah"

by Donal Mahoney

In some parts of Missouri
some folks say "Missourah"
instead of "Missouree."

When politicians mount
the podium at a county fair
to speak to straw-hat farmers

they say Missourah
with the oomph of a tuba
but in St. Louis they say

Missouree nicely
so city folks won't think
they're "hoosiers."

Some city folks call
country folks hoosiers
without malice.

Hoosiers are country folks
who move to the city
and never go home.

In some parts of Missouri
they say "crouch" instead of
"crotch" and "southmore"

instead of "sophomore."
It so happens that
Wilbur Fenster got

kicked in the crouch
playing soccer his
southmore year.

It was then a doctor
discovered he had an
undescended testicle.

Wilbur and Tammy,
his steady till then, thought
all boys only had one.