An Important Remake

by J. K. Durick
   
We are getting to retake some of the scenes
Fix the things that went wrong the first time
Around, and the film editor has been busy
Cutting, splicing, making things look better
Than they did, jump cut, invisible cut, finally
Fixing my place in things; of course, makeup
And the costumer did their parts, dressed me
Pressed me, even made my ears look smaller
And me a bit taller than before, and we made
Other changes, the screenwriter was replaced
By a script doctor, pages and pages of fluff
Disappeared, special effects were added, and
A full set of stuntmen brought in, this time
I won’t have to actually fall down those stairs
Or be launched over the handlebars, so much
Of my painful childhood will be done this time
By someone else; the grips and gaffers, even
The best boys were all in line behind scenes
Managing the wires and props properly, no
Lights out or tripping up in this latest version;
And after the wrap, when everything was finally
In the can, the director called the cast and crew
Together, popped a bottle of good champagne,
Turned to me and said, “here’s looking at you”
But this time, no close-up in the scene,