Travelers Welcome

Travelers Welcome

Thursday, June 7, 2012

A Number of Objects

by Savannah Stuitje

Today I woke up
And took pills
Swallowing them down easy with the contents of a can
I was pulled outside by a synthetic ringing
Sounding in my ears and I wasn’t sure if I imagined it or not
I laughed
But I can’t honestly remember if anything funny was said
Today I sat, and I walked, and I ran through a maze of an assortment of boxes
That I don’t know if I could call a home or a hell
With a sort of despair tinged with painful joy and anticipation
Today my fingers danced, they twitched and clenched
They smoothed over rough edges
They ran ragged over surfaces with too much love
Leaving each thing damp with emotion
Too much emotion
I was regretful as I let go
Today I gripped a number of objects to my chest
I let my nails bite into them intimately
But I couldn’t tell now you what they were
Because I let them all go and they left only dust on my shirt
Petty things, trivial
And yet I can’t be rid of them now
I can’t be rid of the birds
Roiling across the sky
And I could swear I hear your voice
Speaking faster and faster, your words sweet
Faster and faster
I can’t understand you anymore
Today I looked in a mirror
And I didn’t recognize myself
I liked it better that way
That girl had nice legs
Today it rained
It rained but for the first time
The world was not clean after
And I liked it better that way too
I let the polluted air tunnel through my pores
And I like to think I’m stronger now
I like the music in my head
I let your words filter through
Like sunlight through the blinds in an old folks home
Soft and melting
They smelled like maybe they had been outdoors once in the last month
And I wanted to capture them in jars
Slide stiff paper beneath them
And rush each one outside
Lay it on the grass and give it mouth to mouth resuscitation
Until they gasp and open their eyes
You can smell the earth dabbed behind my ears
And I think the time might be soon
We will leave, we will take flight
Not into a bollywood sunset
But we will be together
And I am comforted because I would know you anywhere
Even if I was blindfolded
We will be gone and people will wonder if we died
But in all my haste you will find a trail of bread crumbs
DNA scattered on the wind
Peeling from the walls like old paper
The tiles shiny with tainted affections
You might swipe at me with unrelenting bristles; leave me out with the trash
And the air might smell like lemons from a tin
But I couldn’t forget this if I tried
I feel each brick is steeped with something
The way they steam in the rain
Exorcising our demons
The air plunges down and warps the hot pavement
And I might have learned enough by now to know
When it is time to sit on my hands and let this wash over me
I think I know enough to know you have a beautiful smile
I’m not sure what else there is
But the chip in your front tooth is encouraging 

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