by Michael Frissore
Michael Savage, to me,
sounds just like Howard Stern,
who sounds just like
Alexander Portnoy in
Philip Roth’s Portnoy’s Complaint,
which is why when I heard Savage
recommend gargling with scotch
to cure a sore throat,
I should have just used
salt and water like my mother says
instead of substituting rum for the
scotch and pouring straight rum
into my mouth and gagging even
worse than I do if I use salt and water.
My wife sang Yo ho ho and
a bottle of rum for weeks
afterwards and even convinced
me I had scurvy.
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