Travelers Welcome

Travelers Welcome

Thursday, August 7, 2014


by Robert E. Petras

Fuck it—I won’t do it
I said to my little pop tart
Responding to her request
To go inside the Amish Quilt Hall of Fame,
Nor will I go shopping at Tiffany’s with you
Nor watch Oprah live—ever.

You have your bucket list;
I have my fuck-it list.

I will never hold your purse
While you go to the restroom.
I will never go to the Piggsy-Wiggsy
For you to buy Tampons.
I will never ask for directions
Even if lost inside the world’s largest shopping mall.
I will never get a manicure,
Pedicure, Peter Pan cure.
And I will never say I’m sorry,
Unless, of course, it leads to make-up sex.
Then I’m sorry, sorry, oh so sorry.

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