not worth it

by Linda M. Crate

"it's not worth it," you said
you're right,
but how do i get out of this fog?
does anyone really want to work at a
sub shop?
i need to pay my bills
somehow,
but i've never felt so dismayed
all my dreams are anywhere but here;
i love my family,
but this place has always been bad for me
i'm always happier elsewhere—
can't take all the isolation of being buried in snow
and all these painful memories,
i know everyone has hell to go through
but these flames hurt so badly
i can scarcely focus on anything else but the pain;
just want to know that all this suffering
was worth it—
they tell me love is the only healing magic in this world
i have always loved only to be left behind
certainly could use someone's love
to sew me back together
now,
and i'm an emotional wreck over the stupidest things
right now;
just want to breathe but find that i cannot—
wish i could be so brave as you to just quit but i'd have
nowhere to go and the bills would still need paid
i'd get evicted from my apartment
and the government wouldn't let me live freely again
tell me,
does anyone deserve to suffer?
all i want to do is close my eyes, and when i open them
for all the misery to have washed away