Too Many Letters

by Ryan Hardgrove

When I get up to piss
and brush my teeth
like she told me to, hours and pages ago
my reading light
                which my body was shielding her from
spills onto her sleeping face
and the sadness of her beauty
rips down into me

she only wanted me

still wants me

and now there is another
growing
growing
growing
somewhere inside, beneath all of that beauty

somewhere I cannot see
though it rests shallow
not deep
like the soul or the heart

for now it’s just flesh
but soon it will be more
more and more and more

it will grow
beyond any understanding
I now have
standing barefoot
in the bathroom
at 3:30 am
dribbling piss onto the toilet seat

and she wants me
and I want her
and us

so why am I awake
in the small hours of morn
trying to spell love
with too many letters?