Drinkers' Heaven

by Tony Peyser

Bartenders know what you like. Your
Cocktails are always free
And happy hour is twenty-three hours
Longer than it used to be.

The Intersection Of Despair Drive & Fate Blvd.

 by Tony Peyser
                                                     
True story: in 2007, this guy in Ohio
Crashed his car into a storefront.
Miraculously, no one was injured.

Even more miraculously,
The business was a rehab facility &
The driver had a needle in his arm.

It would appear unseen powers
Took control of the vehicle
And guided him technically

On a wrong path which
Happened to be completely
In the right direction.

Should any of us find ourselves
In such dire straits, one hopes a
Similar divine hand will intervene.

(In a pinch, the human hand of a
Front seat passenger may be substituted.
Your results may vary.)

The Kafka Variation

by Tony Peyser

I didn’t wake up as a bug but as myself
With 12-foot long arms.

 I’m way past,
“How? Why me?”

Yeah, I get stared at and hear
Some stupid comments

But I focus
On the upside.

If I lose the TV remote,
I’m able --- without getting up ---

To easily change
The channels by hand.

I can wipe the car windshield and pump my own gas
While still hunkered down behind the wheel.

If my wife and I arrive late at the movies
And can’t sit together, I can still

Put an arm around Kathy’s shoulder
Even if she’s a few rows away.

I don’t have to struggle to make eye contact
With my local barkeep for a refill:

Even from the farthest end of the bar,
I can politely tap him on the shoulder.

My office window right now is wide open.
I hum to myself as I trim the dead roses

In my garden, clean away some pesky cobwebs
And pick a piece of lint off of your shirt.